Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They took my balls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
