When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
