woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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