Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
