I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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