Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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