I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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