I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
