Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My vagina is very pro this idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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