just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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