You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tell me about the eggs
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