he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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