Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
