i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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