I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
