I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And then he peed in my hair
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
