i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
