the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
