Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
