your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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