My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
