Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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