I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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