We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
