the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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