I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
