Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
