WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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