What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
