Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
try to milk me bitch
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