do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
