Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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