Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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