I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
