Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
