if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
