Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
