Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
