My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
