1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
