He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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