Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
