Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
