I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
