my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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