I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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