it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
