He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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