brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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