I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
